Happy Diwali. This festival of lights I will not say light the world. Or burn like a candle and keep spreading goodness etc etc. Instead, I will just say awaken the light within. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Nourish and nurture yourself.
Self-care is not selfish; it’s essential. By ensuring your own cup is full, you can better navigate responsibilities and offer your best to others. Societal expectations often place a high value on nurturing others. But I feel women must attend to their own well-being first, to effectively support their families, careers and communities.
Take charge to recharge yourselves--- emotionally, mentally, and physically. I have seen so many housewives relegating and sulking in the shadows of self doubt, low self-esteem, self-deprivation; often guilty to ask for either time or money for their own needs and desires, be it shopping, beauty care, or even meeting their kith and kin. We cannot hopelessly romanticize burnout and self-sacrifice, because that simply comes at the expense of one’s own well-being.
"There is no point if you love her but don't respect her...or you respect her but don't empower her," loved this line from the feisty feminist I interviewed recently Javed Akhtar. And he added this beautiful line - "Love, Respect, Empowerment - all are needed if you really care about a woman... patriarchy makes her Superhuman .. just treat her as human."
This reference of being human-superhuman needs to be squarely addressed and amplified. We all hype the transformative powers of the divine feminine. Or women as the one who burn like a candle and glorify the sacrifice part of a woman’s life. But that is the power of every human- why just women. Calling her devi is a trap of patriarchy.
Take a look at how we culturally place our women - either as devil or divine with rarely anything in between. But life is not black and white and surely there are no flat characters but round and complex ones, always much like life itself.
It’s the festive season and the feminine force is worshipped. Diwali starts with invoking blessings of Goddess Lakshmi. Before that, Durga and Kali in Dussehra and Diwali. Often, we hear people say- women are avatars of Devis. However, I will say something else- treating someone as divine takes away the right and the liberty to make mistakes. We are humans after all. Just treat us like that. Yes, we have a side that is nurturing and protective but equally we need to be nurtured and need to be protected. Yes, we have the ability to make you feel like the world's most wanted and loved person, but equally we have a need to be cherished. Yes, we are called the one who binds the family but first we need to be bound to our inner self. Only when the hearts are happy can we spread happiness.
The burn like a candle metaphor is often presented as a symbol of selflessness and dedication, but it also perpetuates the idea that women are expected to deplete themselves for their families, careers, or communities. Studies show that women disproportionately bear the mental load of caregiving and often delay personal health needs due to family or work demands. Over time, this approach can lead to chronic stress, health problems. Rather than idealizing sacrifice, women need to prioritize balance, fulfilment, and self-preservation.
So, what is self-care- it means making time for rest. Making time for hobbies and cultivating passions. If you love painting, indulge in an hour of splashing colours. Make time for fitness. Spend time with girlfriends. Ensure you meet your parents and siblings as much as you can. All this will certainly replenish your energy, resulting in greater resilience and productivity.
It’s okay—and necessary—to say No to additional responsibilities when overwhelmed. So this Diwali, don’t burn like a candle. Instead, awaken the light within. Ignite your passions. Fire your spirits. Look inwards and shine. Live it up, women like there is no tomorrow.
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